Has the word and activity of ‘connection’ been maximised or undermined in the current model of education?
Buzz-words abound in modern education and whilst we would have previously believed certain words to be ‘off limits’ to the trivialisation that usually occurs with the phenomenon of morphing a word into a buzz-word, nonetheless, this type of degradation seems to have happened in recent years with the word connection.
For many of us, the word connection evokes a sense of deep, if not profound, intimacy, affection and regard; an awareness of another's sensitivities and feelings, a sense of what supports them and, within education, their academic capability and expression of intelligence.
This quality of activity goes well beyond making sure you have greeted every child each morning, laudable as this may be. It even goes beyond giving each child the option of a hug, high five or an elbow greeting as part of this morning routine. Knowing the academic performance data of every child in your class, whilst of unquestionable professional value, similarly falls short of a depth of connection, as indeed does knowing their family history and current background circumstance.
The latter two examples may often fall into the category of labelling a child, or indeed an adult, and hence, everything is then filtered through the lens of that label. It can then be difficult to break through the donated labelling of a child when all around you, including the family, colleagues and oftentimes the child themselves, are quite insistent upon the validity of the label and are in full identification with it, and its prescribed dynamic.
For every label there is a tacit dynamic that all of us can drop into almost automatically and often without question, based, as such things are, on external expertise, which typically detracts from the simplicity of relating to what is standing right in front of us, in readiness for a more immediate and natural response.
Is this a significant aspect of the buzz-wording of connection ~ that our relationships have been systemised into pre established norms and protocols that omit the innate responsiveness that is there present, and in potential, in every relationship, including the one between the teacher and the children and young adults that s/he works with?
Has true connection fallen foul of systemically mandated expectations, which generate no more than a vacuous type of engagement with each other?
What is true connection and how would its restoration serve all of us in education?
We can all cite incidents both globally and locally that occur on a daily basis where we dig more deeply than during our usual day to day. Such incidents include accidents, natural disasters, emergencies, or a need to defend a cherished truth. These incidents also draw from all participants an ease of connection and intimacy amongst all concerned for the duration when our ‘all’ is called for in that specific context. This has at times been referred to as instinct and is witnessed not only in the human world, but equally within the animal kingdoms.
Another possibility is that a profound form of intelligence is activated in connection with another/s, or indeed in a situation, where what we would designate as unlikely, not possible or not real is actually taking place. A circumstance presents as a two person dynamic or a group dynamic where there arises a specific form of intelligence to address a situation that cannot be addressed using our day-to-day intelligence.
The intelligence that arises is based on the common, united purpose that is the foundation of a depth of the connection within all participants.
It is this unity and the purpose in addressing a situation that is key in activating this other form of intelligence, where capacities we were not formerly aware that we could access, spring into immediate response to the event or incident.
This is what connection does in education. It activates a depth of responsive intelligence in self-less situations that call for our ‘more’ to arise.
Let’s take a look at two examples from within education that demonstrate this type of intelligence at work.
Case Study 1
An example of a profoundness of observation and connection impacting a student to a depth not previously encountered by the child herself.
On a short 5 day contract at a state high school, I was put in charge of a learning support English class, and they were commencing an open book exam. Aggravated by a couple of provocations that she herself initiated, a young junior high school student lashed out at another fellow student during the exam. I found myself having to wrench her hands from his throat. She was quite determined in her intent to harm and because she was not being responsive to my verbal direction at all (it was like I wasn’t even there), I took hold of each of her wrists as she was seriously strangling him from behind his desk. He was stunned and wasn’t fighting back. As I pulled her hands from his throat, she thrashed about wildly, trying to kick and punch me as she attempted to free herself. I could hold her at arm’s length though it took all my physical strength to hold her. I stayed calm and kept quietly reassuring her that everything would be okay.
She eventually settled and her body gave up the fight, though I remained holding her wrists until we sat down. She was distraught, zoned out, but I continued to gently reassure her. By this time, and just a few minutes later, another teacher had arrived in response to a student, who had gone immediately to source support. The teacher knew the student well and the girl went with her for the remainder of the lesson.
This was only the second time I had supervised her, and I had noted that she was considered ‘weird’ by her classmates…. quite morose and deliberately making strange noises every now and then to ‘freak people out’ on purpose. As a result, she was quite isolated by her peers.
I didn’t see her for the remainder of my contract. However, many months later, when working at the same school, I saw her again in passing. She was a completely different young woman: bright, vivacious and she had a few friends around her. She wore her hair back from her face (rather than trying to hide it as she had worn it previously) and I was quite taken aback by the transformation.
A few weeks or so passed and I saw her again, but this time in class. She didn’t remember me at all, and I didn’t remind her. As I work at this school often, we crossed paths once again. It was well over a year later that she remembered me and even brought the incident up, asking if I remembered her. I said, “Yes, of course,” with a smile. She felt a little embarrassed, yet confidently expressed herself to say she wasn’t like that anymore. She also asked if I was okay with teaching her for that lesson. I simply replied, “I knew you weren’t yourself that day and I’m always glad to be your teacher.” She smiled and we continued with the lesson.
Now whenever we cross paths (which we did again just the other day), she is a settled and focussed student in the main - no perfection, but a joy to connect with every time.
What I now marvel at, yet realise is actually now a normal for me, is that the depth of observation I had already been holding the class in, had no judgement, fear or trepidation in responding to what was necessary in this somewhat extreme situation.
My inner connection was steady and could hold what was needed by these students. It clearly impacted the formerly troubled teenage girl in a way that supported her own inner transformation.
Case Study 2
An example of an ongoing, unimposing observation and care that restored wholeness to a troubled young boy.
A young Prep student in his first term of school was observed often during playtime referring to a fictional character and his arch enemy. His favourite activity would be to role play at the dolls’ house using these two as part of a long running narrative. He would also draw them whenever he could to show others and to try to engage others in the story, but few knew the storyline or the characters he referred to. Eventually, I asked an older student while on playground supervision amongst the rest of the school who this character was and discovered it was a recent, popular internet hit. I left it at that.
Over the three weeks of my contract, this young boy became increasingly troubled and anxious, acting out various behaviours that at times involved aggression towards other children on the playground, isolating others, but also engaging them in inappropriate conduct. On one occasion he was sent home; on others he and another classmate were sent to have some space away from the class in the principal’s office. The boy was also increasingly tired, dark circles appearing under his eyes and regularly refusing to participate in whole or small group activities unless it was play. He became more ‘clingy’ and 'needy', while equally becoming increasingly defiant in his behaviour. Something was clearly awry in his world.
I had an opportunity to speak briefly with one of his parents about all of this, and they were equally concerned. I mentioned the characters he role played and they didn’t seem to know it either. This alerted me to the fact that he was having unsupervised time on the internet.
On the last day of my contract, he was again refusing to do any of his schoolwork and would only stand next to me as I worked with the Year 1’s in the class. I gave him his worksheet to complete as he stood there beside me, refusing to sit at the desk. He was to draw upon the outlined bodies, clothes that were suitable for each season. To my surprise, he began what appeared to be the work set. I continued to work with the Year 1’s, and my focus was predominantly with their writing, and he was absorbed in the task.
As we were wrapping up, he started telling me what he was drawing - and it was clearly not related to the task! It was the monster that came to him at night. I asked him more about it and he described in vivid detail what it looked like and how he couldn’t sleep as it was always there in his room. It was a cry for help in the guise of sharing what had been tormenting him and he visibly settled as our eyes met and he felt the depth of connection…finally, it had been communicated.
In this, he made no mention of the characters he would role play but at the break, I researched the name he used and found a recent internet phenomenon that would give anyone nightmares. It only took a brief look for me to realise why this boy was so tormented - at night and in his behaviours.
Unfortunately, being my last day at this location, I couldn’t connect with the parents about it but I kept the boy’s drawing and asked the teacher’s aide to share the drawing with them and to relay what their son had said and advise them of the name of the video that was disturbing him so greatly.
Fast forward a few months and again, joyfully, I’ve been called to this cohort of students for a day. This little boy had transitioned well: his eyes are bright, his body is settled and I observed that he now plays well with his peers and is no longer role playing the dark character. Most importantly and significantly, he has settled into a deeper connection within himself.
This is the gold we bring when we give the space required to observe what is truly needed.
There was collaboration in this situation with all care givers contributing during this three week period. Ultimately, it was the inner steadiness and the profound depth of caring observation by a teacher that literally drew out of this boy everything that needed to be addressed so he could return in full to himself.
I learned how holding another in this space of connection without attachment to any pre-set outcomes eventually leads to a true, fully resolving outcome.
The Simplicity of Attend and Respond
These case studies are but two examples of many that indicate how simply attending to, and responding to each situation that presents on a moment by moment basis, completely script free, arises from within us a different way to be in situations that are troubling, disturbing or even potentially violent. In both instances, the teachers ~significantly~ did not react or go into a scripted response to address the matter in hand. Rather, they maintained an inner composure that allowed a depth of genuine care for the other, as well as a detached manner of observation, to draw out from the troubled students the root source of their inner distress.
They were neither remembering nor recalling ‘what to do in a difficult situation’ scripts based on past experiences; that is, these were not a behavioural psychology stimulus-response type of activity accessed as a default mechanism from a place of adrenalised stress. Sadly, many teachers are systemically positioned so that they are constantly in this adrenalised momentum.
Speaking with the teachers in the case studies, it was very clear that they had been very much composed and connected with their own inner sense of self. It was this connection within that allowed an inner register of each situation and for that register to then access a different type of intelligence that was clearly transformative for the students in each scenario.
This differs greatly from both the prevailing systemic mindset among teachers, who are kept so incredibly busy under the force of drive, of pushing through serial tasks and rushing to meet the multiple deadlines during a single day and so have little to no inner composure.
The case studies present the possibility that we may indeed have been missing some of the key components of a deeper intelligence, whose purpose differs from that of mastering specific skillsets associated with the many academic disciplines within education.
This type and quality of intelligence is based on connecting with others from a depth within ourselves and often seems to support a significant shift in perception by one, or by all, of those in the interaction.
By contrast, it is currently the norm in such scenarios for teachers to immediately access a pre scripted series of communications and actions based on the labelling or categorisation of students who present challenging behaviours and behavioural anomalies. Witness the extensive array of courses, manuals and professional development on behaviour management. Whilst many of these have generated supportive protocols in schools, exclusive adherence to these could be diverting our collective focus from other beneficial ways to address behaviours and truly support our students to uproot the causes of these behaviours. It is after all an old adage that, when there are problems or challenges, it is less than wise to look for a resolution from the source that generated the problem in the first place. Equally, if we persevere with the same solutions based methodology that has failed to deliver any change, why persist in applying it? Is it not wiser to allow a fine tuning of our professional discernment ~ as a collective?
Professional Discernment
Is it not more sensible for all of us engaged in the profession of teaching to discern and sense what manner of response is called for in each specific situation with our students, and equally our colleagues and all we engage with daily? To have on call at least an extensive range of potential responses, and the capacity and assigned professional space to apply this range of responses at every moment, restores not only the value of true professionalism, but also presents a scope for us to engage daily with students from a relative depth of true and purposeful connection.
Our own inner composure. and from there, having our students’ true interests at heart, is a starting point for both connection and the letting go of ‘flying by the seat of the pants’ scripts that disbar us from actual connection and the simplicity of attendance and response.
When we let go of these adrenalin fuelled, reactive scripts, we access the type of intelligence that has no pre - conceptions, pre - scripts,
pre – sumptions. We are present with both ourselves, our students, colleagues and with the parent community.
In such instances, the outcomes are invariably supportive and evolving of all – including the teacher. We live and bring true connection to all and not the buzz-worded facsimiles that abound that tell us that we are ‘connected.’
True connection has no need of such externalised endorsement. It arises from our openness and willingness to actually connect and this is possible in every moment that we claim our own willingness, capacity and love for doing so.